"Satchel" would be proud

In a historic moment for nickname buffs worldwide, 45-year old Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd pitched six innings in his first professional start in 8 years. Oil Can allowed two earned runs and seven hits, while collecting four strikeouts in receiving a no-decision for the Brockton Rox.

Lesson to the kids: if you want to pitch into your fifties, get yourself a crazy nickname.

3:1

The states collected a record $593 billion in tax revenue in 2004. While this seems like a lot, the federal government collected almost $2 trillion. That's more than 3:1.

Why do we even have states? If you're giving $3 out of $4 of your taxes to the federal government, why not just hand it all over for efficiency's sake. Federalism has gone out the window.

Power tends to gravitate to the powerful, and over the past 60 years, the federal government's fewer than 500 elected officials have come to control 20% of our economy and 70% of all government spending.

Federalism is a useful tool. When government is closer to those it affects, it can be more responsive, more efficient and simply more fair. Imagine the debate on legalizing drugs, for instance. Legalizing drugs for a society of 300 million people is not only a huge risk, but it's divisive enough that a large plurality of people would, in their mind, be adversely affected. This is true of any divisive policy (abortion, gun rights, welfare, etc).

If a single state could legalize drugs (or change its drinking age, or legalize abortion...), other states could observe the affects of legalization on use, crime and general welfare. The policy may lead to other states legalizing or other states being glad they hadn't.

The same can be said for the welfare state. States could compete for citizens and business in a way that is nearly impossible now, especially with unfunded mandates.

The only way to reestablish federalism is to give the states true power: tax revenue. But our society is taxed to the limit. What we need is a reworking of government. I propose a constitutional amendment limiting the spending of the federal government to no more than that of all the states combined. One:one, so to speak.

Ingrained Bias

An e-mail from the Dean of Union College to his "Campus Community":

From: leavitts@union.edu <leavitts@union.edu>
Date: May 23, 2005 10:01 AM
Subject: display on the lawn
To: Campus Community <CampusCommunity@mercury.union.edu>

To the Campus Community:

For the next few days, there will be a display on the central campus lawn, sponsored by Campus Action. The purpose of the display is to commemorate the deceased US soldiers in Iraq, and to make the number of deaths more comprehensible by constructing a visual representation that symbolizes every United States military fatality. In this way, they are making the number of soldiers who have made the ultimate sacrfice (sic) in the Iraqi War a more tangible figure for the Union College campus community. It is important to note that the display is not intended to make an overt political statement; rather, it is intended to make people cognizant of the reality overseas and to make their own political judgement (sic) based upon that reality. There are 1622 markers surrounding the paths representing all of the hostile and non-hostile deaths of United States soldiers in the war as of May 21, 2005. For questions or concerns contact Ian Kennedy '07 kennedyi@union.edu

Steve Leavitt
Dean of Students

First of all, what the hell is a campus community? This goes back to my utopia discussion of a few weeks ago: the term is so sweet it makes me sick.

Anyway, you have to love defensive e-mails like this one. Steve is trying his best to sound unbiased and emotionless, but it's hard to be unbiased when you're being, to use his words, overtly so, and it's hard to be emotionless when your every faculty, no pun intended, is consumed by emotion.

For instance, since this a display of death and only death, it is not a representation of "reality" except in a very myopic sense. If one wanted students to truly weight the pros and cons of the war in Iraq, a display representing both the successes and the tragic losses of the war would be truly-- overtly-- unbiased.

The sad part about this display is that the Dean of Union College is so caught up in his own bias that he can't even accurately judge the nature of bias. When schools present such incredibly one-sided political arguments as "unbiased" they are not serving their purpose or their student body. There is a debate to be had about Iraq. Counting bodies is a crayon and construction paper debate, but from each according to his ability, right Mr. Campus Communist?

Here are some other possible displays "not intended to make an overt political statement":

• A marker for each aborted child since Roe vs. Wade
• A marker for each Kurd gassed by Sadaam
• A marker for each murdered Rwandan
• A marker for each murdered Sudanese
  
• A marker for each brain-dead college Dean running his school off the deep end (you'd have at least one at Union College)
  

Abu Gaff

Harvard is funding a play that reenacts the "torture" at Abu Ghraib in Iraq last year. If you thought this story was overexposed before, just wait. We'll have to endure countless hours of debate, hundreds of columns and another partisan divide over this swill.

Abu Ghraib was bad for America, but this reenactment is just... weird. These theatre types are the most decadent and useless people in America. They're wasting a world-class education on "stage urination."

Everyone knows where people like this end up:

• Food Service
• Public employment
• Teaching (poorly)
• Trust fund coasting
  

Successful people don't have time for this garbage.

Secularism At All Costs

A Knox County, Tennessee elementary school principal banned students from reading their bibles during recess. I'm sure if they were arabs reading the Koran, the same would have happened.

Why does secularism only apply to Christians and Jews? And why has its definition changed from less religion in civil affairs to a wholesale banning of religion?

If you want to have even religious thoughts during school you have to go back to the catacombs.

Another reason to privatize education so that atheists and religious people alike can run their own schools.

Not-so-close call

Today, at 12:37 PM, a Cessna entered restricted airspace over the White House, prompting evacuation of the Capitol, White House, and Supreme Court. First Lady Laura Bush and former First Lady Barbara Bush were evacuated from the White House residence, and Vice President Cheney was hustled away from the West Wing. Where was President Bush?

On a bike ride. In Maryland. At 12:37 PM. On a Wednesday.

It's 8:00 PM and I'm still at work. Maybe I'm just jealous the president has a shorter workday and more vacation than me. Seriously, shouldn't he be balancing the budget or coordinating national security on a Wednesday afternoon?

Rocketing to Cooperstown

Despite getting a paltry 11 runs of support in his 7 starts, Roger Clemens picked up his 330th win last night in a 2-1 victory over Florida, moving into 9th place on the all-time wins list. Clemens pitched 7 shutout innings to lower his ERA to a ridiculous 1.10 (second in MLB to Dontrelle Willis' miniscule 1.07). Remarkably, Clemens has won 40 games since he turned 40 in 2002. Since leaving Boston for Toronto in 1997, he has been one of the most dominant pitchers in the game. Truly a Bonds-like late-career resurgence from the player Boston GM Dan Duquette described as washed-up. Roger's perserverence and continued dominance have cemented his deserved spot in baseball's pantheon.

Much is made of Clemens' insane work ethic and conditioning. He's been a physical specimen since breaking in in 1984. But for all the steroid talk, especially the recent clamor about the number of pitchers juicing and the decreased velocity over the past year or two, Clemens has been the subject of zero chemical-related rumors. As I said, his late-career performance has been Bonds-like, but while Bonds has been (justifiably) crucified, Clemens has caught no heat. Nor does he deserve to. He's always been a huge man, his off-season and in-season training regimens are the stuff of legends, and he is rarely injured (muscle tears and joint problems are calling cards for steroid users). I don't think Clemens is juicing (he's just built, and he doesn't have the cut shape of Bonds or Sosa), but I'm surprised the media hasn't latched on to his age-defying performance as evidence that he's benefitted from some pharmaceutical assistance. They haven't even caught a whiff of wrongdoing.

So I think we can be pretty sure at least one of our legends is getting it done on his own. All baseball fans should hope Roger decides to pull a Nolan Ryan (a fellow Texan) and pitch for another five years. We might never see another pitcher like him.

Rock! Paper! Scissors!

In a fated duel between Christie's and Sotheby's for the rights to auction off US$18M in art, the clear winner was scissors and their careful master Christie's.

¡H-E-R-M Herm, Herm, Herm!

Donnie Abraham's plan to retire before the 2005 season further perplexes Jet fans who watched with amazement as the Jets drafted a kicker with their first pick in the NFL draft. The Jets were already thin in the secondary, and now they're losing Abraham to retirement.

This team is a joke.

Cognitive dissonance

According to a new CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll, 57% of Americans believe the Iraq war was not worthwhile, while 41% thought it was. In another of the poll's findings, 49% said it was a mistake to send troops, and 48% said sending troops was not a mistake.

Huh?

So 8% said the war was worth fighting, but that it was a mistake to send troops. OK, I guess I can understand that. But this I don't get: 9% agreed that the war was not worth fighting and that sending troops was not a mistake. In effect, this 9% is just fine with American troops dying for an unworthy cause.

Get your opinions straight, people!

Theocracy Now!

Kansas is holding hearings to determine whether evolution should be taught in public schools. Opponents are expected to argue in favor of teaching "intelligent design" pseudoscience as well.

In addition to the scientific inappropriateness of having a biology teacher quote passages from Genesis in a laboratory, we could have the constitutional and policy inappropriateness of pushing an evangelical Christian theology of life on a public classroom where a good number of students might not be Christian. What is a Hindu biology student to think when her exam asks on what day God parted the sky and water?

President Bush says the "jury is still out on evolution." Well, the jury is still out on how gravity works, but that doesn't mean we should teach divine intervention as an alternative to gravity in physics classes. Not to mention that there is undeniable proof of organisms changing phenotypes dramatically--think of bacteria developing resistance to antibiotics. We may find out evolution's chaotic explanation of life's origins isn't completely right, but right now, it's the best we have.

And America wonders why it is falling behind in science education. The western world hasn't had this kind of widespread religious hostility to science since the 17th century. Galileo must be rolling in his grave.